Somebody for Everybody

I keep on hearing people tell me things like "There is somebody for everyone." While that does statistically make sense considering that there is only one of me and a freaking bunch of other people (about 6.777 billion), so it shouldn't be hard to pin down at least one other person that we would be to tolerate each other. But there are certain people that just have to be kicked out of the line up.
For example:

• Women: I'm not a lesbian. (That excludes about 3,316,157,785 people.)



• Gay guys: I'm not a dude. (Excluding about 61,160,270.)



• Foreign guys: Trust me I am not trying to be racist in any way, I promise. But let's face it, there is no way I'm ever going to have the patience to learn another language, and even if they spoke English, chances are their mother, sisters, brothers, or great-uncle Pedro/Leonardo/Wong/Whatever is more comfortable talking about the annoying little American chick in a language I don't know. If someones going to be talking about me behind my back I'd at least like the comfort of knowing I'd understand it were I there. (Consider 95.47% of the world population to be excluded here.)



• Guys from other Religions: As much as I'm a fan of Buddah, Allah, Zues, or even Chuck Norris, I don't really know anything about any other religions and I'm not interested in getting lightning bolted for not wearing my yamaka right or knocking over a bowl of holy water or something. (6,693,484,643 people formally excluded.)



• Anyone named Richard: I already know enough Dick's. (I can't find any statistics on this but I think you get my point that a freaking lot of people are being excluded.)



• Country music fans: Let's face it, the banjo is just not sexy in any way.



• Anyone with smaller feet than I do: I know I don't have the smallest feet in the world, but that would still be creepy.


• People who dislike Neil Diamond: I'm American. There is nothing more American then the Diamond.


• Anyone who learned to drive in Utah: Have you seen the drivers in Utah? Then you shouldn't need an explaination.


• Anyone with cancer, hepatitis, malaria, meningitis, vampiris, solanum, goneria, MS, AIDS, HIV, CBS, ESP, ESPN, fetal alcohol syndrome, blue blood, yellow blood, alzheimers or cooties.
• Anyone who's dated on of my sisters: I've already had to have my sisters hand-me-down stuff for years, and I'm kinda tired of worrying about what kind of diseases their former clothes contract let alone their former men. ( I have 4 sisters who are all silly social butterflys so this excludes more people than you would think.)
• Androids, robots, vampires, werewolves, or any other characters found in sci-fi/horror movies: I have enough trouble with falling in love with fictional characters.

(List maybe subject to change without notice.)

So, yes, there is someone for everyone... assuming that everyone on earth are androids without any specifications in mating. Otherwise, your screwed, so when other people say "oh it's ok, there is somebody out there for everyone", what they're really saying is, "Wow, there's a couple billion people on earth and you still can't find a date? Sucks to be you! Here let me pretend to sympathize with you so I can go make out with yet another person who has absolutely no romantic interest in you!"

Artists

Today the sky was so beautifully blue with the most perfect billowy clouds, it looked fake. It was wonderful, but it kind of made my heart sad too. How sad that these perfect skies are so rare that when there is one, it reminds us of something in a picture when shouldn't it be the other way around: that the painting reminds us of the perfect day. But there must be some every once in a while for the artist to see it, unless of course the artist is just cool, but I know a lot of artists and they're just not. This makes God seem like kinda a huge stiff to only let these stupid artsy jerks see it, but He probably only gives us a few so we can recognise it and enjoy it, and the artists are the dumb ones, trapping it on a canvas and making us realise how crappy other days can be. I guess the point of my talking about this is this: Artists are fags.

"Flower Girls"

So, I was thinking about phrases and references we use alot, while I was brushing my teeth, and I came to the referencing of a girls virginity as her "flower." As if this reference wasn't slightly wierd and creepy, then one wonders about the realationship between this reference and the role of a "flower girl". You know the little girl at the wedding, the little girl scattering her "flowers" wherever they may fall. Hmmm? Some how assigning a girl to this role to me would seem like putting a pretty bleak outlook on her life. Just sign her up for Future Whores of America instead of Brownies, and her life is pretty much set!